Shame On Me

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. 

– Randall Terry

My toxic element briefly came back into my life again. Shame on me, I allowed it to happen. It was enough to ruin Father’s Day for me. 

This is my way of coping and I needed to vent. It seemed to help the last time. Also there’s a special friend that helped me through it even though she doesn’t even know it. 

It’s amazing how quickly she can turn my mood and life upside down. I can’t let it affect me anymore than it already has. I already gave her more though and time than she ever deserves from me.

I thought she was completely out of my system and I hadn’t thought of her in a while. I was 100% happy with her out of my life. Why did I let her back in?

Her negative effect on me manifests itself physically . My body gets hot as if I  have a fever and my chest pounds. 

She strolled in and out of my life with her perfectly sculpted ass for a few days and the whole thing got me all rattled in ways that it shouldn’t. I should be in control of my emotions.

I’m I hurt? I’m I simply upset that I let her do this to me? 

I know I deserve better. I know I shouldn’t have answered her text. I should have blocked her number in the new phone too.

Why? Why?

In either case, I can’t let this episode throw off my progress. I need to keep on going and ensure it never happens again.

Thanks for reading. I didn’t want to end on a bad note. 

I’m glad I have this outlet now and get this thoughts out of system.

I need to remind myself of how fortunate I am and I need to be thankful for it all. I can’t take for granted my loved ones who are and will always be here for me. 

This Week’s Goals

Reading is one of my new habits since my lifestyle change. One of the books suggests that writing down long term and short term goals increases the chances of successfully completing  the goals significantly. Also, short term goals should be specific. I’ll be posting my long term goals soon. Help me keep me honest. Here are my goals for this week. 

1. Jog in the morning, before going into work, at least three times a week. Total time should be 60 minutes or more; to include 10-15 warm up walk and 5-10 min cool down walk. Total distance should be 3+ miles. 
2. Get up at 5am at least three times a week; in order to accomplish #1. 
3. Get to bed no later than 11pm at least three times this week, again to help with #1 and #2. 
4. 20K steps a day for at least six days, to be tracked with Fitbit. This one should be completed with my buddy Mike. He’s participating in a walking challenge at work and needs to finish  strong. 
5. Continue eating healthy food this week too. Hopefully I can shave the beard this weekend.